Lost in translation

I can speak English, a touch or French and even a teeny bit of Italian, but baby talk? Apparently not.

I was asked recently to watch a friend's 4 year old child for a whopping three hours. It was in their home, they were really stuck and three hours didn't seem unreasonable. The moment mommy and daddy walk out the door the kid turns into a whining monster.

"I nee dep duce ina reb oxeeee". What? Okay, the kid wants something, that much I got. "What do you want Robbie?" ""I won dit dep, dooce! Duce inda, wiva saw, NOW". Holy shit. I start to panic walking around the kitchen pointing at everything in sight. "This? This? This?" "NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" "RAHHHHHHHH". It's forty minutes later and I have already touched every fucking thing in the house. Meanwhile the child is beet red and screaming his head off. I need to sit down. I sit on the sofa and land on a toy. "Mineeeeee, mineeeee". Okay, that I understand. I give the brat the toy and he falls asleep. A few LONG hours later mommy and daddy arrive home.

The child wakes up and runs to his mother whining "I nee dep duce ina reb oxeee... witt asa". My friend replies, “I'm sorry sweetheart, it's too late for a juice box”. What? What the fuck was that? How did she get juice box from nee dep duce? The kid continues to whine a bunch of jibberish and yet somehow mommy knows exactly what to say. I quietly slip out the door.

Hmm.Well, I just hope they don't ask me to watch the kid again, because if they do, I'm gonna say "I da wanna fuging dod dat". And yet somehow, I don't think she will understand.


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