The joys of tipping.

I fucking hate the concept of tipping.

The whole concept sucks. I pay my employees. Shop owners pay their employees. Why do I have to subsidize a restaurant's payroll? That's just wrong.

In fact, many cultures view tipping as an insult. Tipping in Japan for instance, is considered condescending. Right fucking on. You're hired to do a good job - it shouldn't be an option.

Customarily, one would be expected to tip more generously for really good service. But what if the service blows, or if it's practically non existent? I didn't have to ask myself that question until recently...

It all started with this little Italian restaurant that has great food. Unfortunately, half the time I would get stuck with this arrogant snot nose waiter. WTF, I like the place and I really don't want spit in my food, so I deal, and of course he always gets his obligatory tip. Until recently, when dude got my order wrong twice in the same night and pretty much called me a liar in front of three other people. At that moment, I knew the answer to the aforementioned question. I didn't care if this asshole wrapped my dick in an Italian flag and sucked my knob - he wasn't getting a fucking penny. And he didn't.

Note: While tipping is poo-pooed in Japan, you can be sure the guy delivering your sushi will have his palm wide open. Welcome to America, kid.

There's one in every crowd.

At some point, we all get annoyed or down right pissed off with people. We're only human, it's natural. But some people can't or won't communicate honestly, instead using a physical gesture to express their discontent. This is not only disturbing, it's also idiotic.

Why is this idiotic? Take this simple test:

You are at a bar with other people trying to have a conversation. But you can't get a word in edgewise because some asshole won't shut up for two fucking seconds. This continues for an hour. You are pissed, but you really don't want to leave yet. Do you:

A. Continue to grin like a fool and pretend not to be bothered.

B. Pray silently that they choke on an olive.

C. Roll your eyes so others can tell you are annoyed.

If you answered "C", you are indeed an idiot. Because if others can see you roll your eyes there's a good chance the asshole might see you too. And even if the asshole doesn't see you, they will see others react to you and most likely figure it out. This could be problematic because the asshole at hand may also be your spouse, boss, an IRS agent or someone who was planning to pick up the tab.

Eye rolling is a tricky habit. It's a passive aggressive way of saying "die bitch", and if you do roll your eyes, you do it because you want people to know that's how you feel. This is a similar trait to shaking your head, a deep exhale or rubbing your temples as if you have a headache. You think you are being subtle? Well you're not.

Note to self: You will always get caught. And when you do - you will end up looking like the asshole. Save yourself the humiliation and just don't do it,

Oh, yes. If you answered "A", you are probably too nice to be reading my blog. If you answered "B", you're mean - but at least your not an idiot. And yes, of course I answered "B".

Can I spit in your food?

I grew up in a fmily where sharing food was was a totally acceptable